


Just Me, Him, and the Moon

by slampora



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Based on a One Direction Song, Fluff, Future Fic, Light Angst, M/M, and by angst i mean mental illness, because im trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6165584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slampora/pseuds/slampora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa and Iwaizumi fell out of contact while they were in university, but that doesn't mean that Iwaizumi's feelings ever stopped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Me, Him, and the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I was listening to Made In The AM and I was like, "Hey, End of the Day is such an Iwaoi song, and also I'm gay." And then I wrote this while listening to MITAM and a bunch of sad music.

All I know at the end of the day  
Is you want what you want and you say what you say  
And you'll follow your heart even though it'll break  
Sometimes

 

*** 

Iwaizumi leaned back against the balcony’s wooden rail and took a deep breath. He hated parties with a passion, but he knew Oikawa would be there, which meant he had to be there too. It wasn’t like he was stalking him or anything, but they had gone to different universities and the distance had taken its toll. 

At first they would call each other every day, texting back and forth in between phone calls, with a weekly skype session thrown in. But then they got busier and busier until Oikawa just stopped texting him back. Hearing anything at all from him was a rare treat. At least it was for Iwaizumi. In all honesty he was afraid that Oikawa had forgotten about him. After a year or so, a mutual friend mentioned Oikawa having a boyfriend and even though Iwaizumi hadn’t spoken to Oikawa for months at that point, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed. It was ridiculous, he thought, because it wasn’t like he had been dating Oikawa, he hadn’t even confessed his feelings. But even so, he was hurt. 

He was hurt that after years of friendship, after everything they had been through together, that Oikawa would just give it all up for someone else. Iwaizumi knew he was being irrational, that their friendship wasn’t over because Oikawa maybe had a boyfriend. And despite the fact that he was still kicking himself for never saying anything when he had the chance he felt rejected. He was angry at himself and angrier at Oikawa for pushing him away, but mostly he was just numb. He had tried to date, to get over his childhood friend but he couldn’t do it no matter how hard he tried. 

So he finished university a single man. Now that school was done, he wanted badly to reach out to Oikawa, but something inside him stopped him in his tracks. Instead, he found himself visiting Tokyo and his old friends who lived there more and more often, hoping deep down to run into Oikawa somewhere. He never did. 

It turned out that Oikawa had separated himself from almost all of his old friends and thrown himself into his studies. Somehow, knowing that didn’t make Iwaizumi feel much better. He had always thought he was special to Oikawa, that their bond was different and therefore strong enough to last. Clearly, it wasn’t. 

But enough people were acquainted with Oikawa for Iwaizumi to know that he would be at this party tonight. And Iwaizumi knew that eventually, Oikawa would break away from the crowds of people inside the house to look at the stars. At least that’s what he used to do back in high school. God, he felt like a fool just standing and waiting for someone he hadn’t properly seen in years, but he couldn’t stop himself. Just the idea of seeing Oikawa, not even talking to him but just getting to look at him gave him a fizzy feeling in his stomach. 

Iwaizumi was lost in thought when he heard the door to the balcony slide open. He looked up and felt his heart start beating faster and faster until he was sure he was going to drop dead on the spot. It was Oikawa Tooru, in the flesh. 

At first glance, he looked exactly like he did the last time Iwaizumi had seen him, but there was something else, something darker that clouded his face. Dark circles were stamped under his eyes and his hair was legitimately messy, not styled to look messy. Even his eyes weren’t shining like they used to, it was obvious even from a distance. Iwaizumi’s heart sank. The Oikawa he had known would never leave the house, let alone go to a party without looking his absolute best. This Oikawa didn’t seem confident at all; he just seemed tired. 

He didn’t say anything as he walked over to the balcony railing. Iwaizumi stayed silent too. It should have been natural to just talk to Oikawa like he always had, but he couldn’t. Every word he wanted to say was trapped in his throat. Nothing had gone like it was supposed to. The one person who he cared about more than anything, who he loved with his entire heart, was standing less than ten feet from him and he couldn’t even bring himself to say hello. Oikawa was looking up at the stars and Iwaizumi was looking over at Oikawa and he couldn’t say anything. He felt pathetic. He was a grown adult and here he was staring Oikawa down panicking over what to say. It so wasn’t like him.

Iwaizumi knew he wasn’t acting like himself, knew he wasn’t usually so spineless. He told himself probably a million times to just grow up and say something, anything. If he said something, he thought, then all of the years of distance would just go away and everything would be like it should be. His head was swimming, and in all honestly he felt like he was going to be sick. It was all too much for him to handle, but he knew deep down that he had to do something. 

So, instead of listening to his head, he decided to do something he had avoided for years. He decided to listen to his heart. Iwaizumi cleared his mind completely and took a shaking breath. It was high time he said what he had been meaning to say for as long as he could remember. 

“I love you.” 

Right as the words left his mouth a gust of wind howled and for a second Iwaizumi was afraid that Oikawa hadn’t heard him. He was fully prepared to fling himself off of the balcony when Oikawa turned to face him. There were tears in his eyes. Iwaizumi’s heart lurched for the thousandth time that night. Oikawa stepped towards him carefully, like at any second Iwaizumi would take back what he said.   
There were only a few inches between them now. As much as Iwaizumi wanted to say the closeness was comforting, being this close to Oikawa put him on edge. The energy was so close to what they used to have, but it was tainted somehow. Oikawa was biting his lip, hard, and Iwaizumi wanted so badly to kiss him until he relaxed but he knew that this wasn’t the time for that. He did reach out to stroke Oikawa’s cheek, though. 

Oikawa leaned into the touch. “Iwa-chan... Hajime,” he breathed. He was shaking. Iwaizumi felt the wet heat of tears on his palm. “I'm so sorry,” Oikawa continued, “I'm sorry you had to fall in love with someone like me. I don't deserve it. Not after everything I did.” 

Iwaizumi wanted to scream, say that he was wrong, that he deserved everything the world had to offer, but Oikawa kept talking. 

He said, “I pushed you away because I was selfish. I was afraid you'd see who I became. I didn't want you to know this part of me. I spent so long trying to hide this, this horrible side, but I couldn't do it anymore. I'm so tired, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi was confused. He had no idea what Oikawa was talking about.

“Iwa-chan, I think tired is the only thing I can feel anymore. Everything else, it’s like I’m just numb. God, I dated half the guys at school and fucked the other half and still, nothing, why do I just feel nothing?” 

Oikawa was crying hard now. Iwaizumi had seen him cry like this a total of five times in his life. Four of them were before they turned twelve. The fifth was in their third year of high school after they lost in the Spring High. Before, Iwaizumi was sure that Oikawa would be back to his normal self in no time, but now, he wasn’t sure of anything. Before Oikawa could keep going, he spoke. 

“Oikawa, I love you. All that doesn’t matter, not to me. I always have and I always will,” his voice was pleading. 

“Don’t say that!” Oikawa shouted. “You don’t understand, you wouldn’t love me if you knew. You weren’t there to see me just waste away. You don’t know what I’m like. How could you love someone who spends days locked away in his room. Most days I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed in the morning. What’s the point? I barely passed my classes, and that was after being put on academic probation for coming close to failing all of them. I’m worthless trash who doesn’t even deserve to live.” Iwaizumi was taken aback. Oikawa had never yelled at him before. He kept going. 

“I would go days without eating because I couldn’t remember whether I had or not. I would only get up for food if I was on the verge of collapsing. I can’t even feel anything anymore. Nothing matters to me and I hate it, and I hate myself. I’m not happy, I don’t think I ever was, and I can’t fake it like I used to. You don’t need someone like me in your life, so please don’t say you love me, not now, not when I’m like this,” Oikawa sobbed. 

“I’m not the person you fell for. Not anymore.” 

Iwaizumi felt tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “I don’t understand how you’re feeling, Oikawa, and I don’t know if I ever will” Iwaizumi said softly, “But what I do understand is how I feel. Everything you told me, it doesn’t change a thing. At this point, I think that even if you said you didn’t love me back, I would still feel the same way.” 

Oikawa stayed silent for a moment, thinking. “I can’t say that,” he said, so quiet it was almost a whisper. “But I also can’t let myself be that selfish. I’m only going to hurt you.” 

“Let me take that chance,” Iwaizumi pleaded. He didn’t want to let Oikawa go, not after all this time. It had taken him so long to say what he had just said, and now he was so close. This was everything. 

“It isn’t worth it, Iwa-chan. Whoever it is you’re in love with, it isn’t me. I’m not that person anymore.” Oikawa’s shoulders shook with sobs. 

Iwaizumi leaned forward and nudged his head against Oikawa’s face, an echo of the headbutts that he used to give Oikawa back when they were in school. He stood up straight and looked Oikawa in the eyes. 

“Oikawa,” he began, “I have known you since we were little. I spent my whole childhood at your side. I saw you come within inches of attacking a teammate because you thought he would surpass you. I saw you work yourself so hard you almost couldn’t play again, just because you had to be the best. And I love you anyway. All this? I see that too. If this is who you are, then this is who you are. I can’t let myself walk away from you again.” Iwaizumi wiped a tear falling from Oikawa’s eye. 

Oikawa took a shuddering breath in and pressed closer to Iwaizumi. “I don’t think that I can let myself walk away from you, either,” he breathed. 

The already negligible distance between them disappeared as Oikawa leaned in to press his lips against Iwaizumi’s. It was all soft skin and wet cheeks from both of them. Iwaizumi swore he felt lighter, like all of the baggage he had carried with him for so long just wasn't there. Or, at the very least, he felt really, really, good. Oikawa broke away from Iwaizumi and just as quickly pressed another kiss to his lips. 

As Oikawa kissed him breathlessly, Iwaizumi pulled away. “You know how earlier you said that I didn't need someone like you in my life?” He asked. 

Oikawa pulled back and said softly, “Please tell me I was wrong about that, Iwa-chan.” 

“No, you were right,” Iwaizumi responded, “I know that I don’t need you.” Oikawa’s face fell and he sniffed. Just as he was going to say something back, Iwaizumi lifted his chin and looked into his eyes. 

“I don’t need you, Oikawa, but God, I want you. I want you so bad,” he said before pulling Oikawa into a bruising kiss. This time, Iwaizumi was sure he felt lighter. 

***  
All I know at the end of the day  
Is you love who you love, there ain't no other way  
If there's something I've learnt from a million mistakes  
You're the one that I want at the end of the day

**Author's Note:**

> The song lyrics at the beginning and end of the fic come from End of the Day by One Direction. 
> 
> Pls leave a kudos and/or a comment if you liked it, I would really really appreciate it! 
> 
> Send me a message on tumblr, my url is roxyaf! My twitter is @slampora


End file.
